Wednesday, January 4, 2012

7 Running Resolutions for 2012

In the spirit of New Year's resolutions, I figured I would share with you the things that I am committed to in 2012 as it pertains to my running hobby.

1)  I resolve not to race in a man thong, speedo or tu-tu.  I have gotten to the ripe old age of 47 without doing so.   It is a bad, bad look and I am just not gonna do it in 2012.  This is good for all of earth's citizens.

2)  I resolve not to snicker at people as I pass them at mile 20.  Ever since that ugly incident at the Shamrock Marathon on Virginia Beach (Cops Episode #2113), I have learned that people don't appreciate being snickered at.

3)  I resolve not to slow down just a little as I come up on pretty women as I run so that I can get a better look.  This resolution (of course) does not include feigning an injury or epileptic seizure, petting said person's dog, repeatedly needing to tie my shoes or lighting up a menthol to help my lungs breath easier.  Those things happen and if it causes me to slow my pace down a bit...then it is what it is.  The jurisdiction zone for this resolution is also limited to a 2 block distance through the Tenderloin district.

4)  I resolve not to leave my Camelbak, water bottle holder, shorts, shirts, hats or socks in the shower after I rinse them out because they are too muddy to directly put in the washer.  I do get a grace period of 72 hours.  This is a "sister" resolution of last year's broken resolution of promising not to leave Clif Bar wrappers or Ginger chew wrappers in my shorts and letting them gum up the washer. 

5)  I resolve not to smugly tell people in the elevator at my condo that I just got back from running from San Francisco to Tiberon even if they ask how far I ran.   However, if they pressure me, I will just say "I ran for for a little bit" with just enough snarky arrogance to let them know it was not down to the corner to buy a doughnut.

6)  I resolve not to compete with every runner on the road I encounter.  No more will every person who is out for a leisurely stroll become a competitor for a podium spot in my head.  This resolution includes everyone except for that one guy who is all decked out in Ironman 70.3 gear (that is not an Ironman dude, it is a half Ironman), wearing 12 bottles of gel, water and Oakleys.  You deserve to be dusted. 

7)  I resolve to not wear compression socks out to dinner, at the beach or taking my dawgs for a walk.  I don't want to be this person.  The science behind them is inconclusive.  People don't automatically think you are a player while you wear fact most people think you look like a goof ball.  No compression socks.

There, my 7 resolutions for running in 2012!!!!! 

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